Red Flags and Why They May Seem Appealing in the Beginning of a Relationship

New relationships are fun, with feelings of anticipation and excitement for budding romance. You may start to see the world in rose-colored glasses, which may cloud your judgment. In the beginning stages of a relationship, we often overlook certain behaviors, and even find them appealing, that in hindsight are red flags. So why do these red flags look like green lights?

1. The Thrill of the Unknown

We, as humans, are naturally drawn to originality and excitement. When we first start dating, we may find that if a partner exhibits unpredictable behavior, it feels thrilling rather than alarming.

The highs and lows of this relationship can mimic rollercoasters, sending adrenaline flying throughout us. Because of the rush of dopamine, we may confuse these feelings for love and affection, which makes it harder to see this pattern of behavior as problematic.

2. Overly Charming

One of the most attractive qualities in people is their charm. At the beginning of a relationship, someone with manipulative tendencies might lay on the charm to win their partner over. This can feel intoxicating, making the individual seem like they are caring and attentive.

The problem is, people who are overly charming are more than likely masking deeper issues. They also can reel their partner in with their charm, so that way when their true, manipulative tendencies show, the behaviors are easier to dismiss.

3. Love Bombing

Love bombing refers to the act of excessively complimenting your partner. The endless flow of flattery, affection, and positive remarks can make you feel so special. Well, that's the point! People who love bomb want their partners to be swept away by the amount of love they are receiving. It is their hope that their significant other stays and commits to them, and can even be a sign of insecurity. They may fear being alone, therefore, they make profound declarations of love to keep their partner around.

4. The Appeal of Confidence

Confidence can be incredibly attractive, especially at the start of a relationship. A partner who is self-assured can make their partner feel secure and valued. However, too much confidence can also be a facade for controlling or aggressive behaviors. Overtime, confidence can turn into assertiveness, which can come across as bossy or mean. They may start to not consider your opinions or feelings, ignore you, or make decisions without you.

5. Savior Complex

Many people may enter relationships with the mindset of "I can fix them." Perhaps this person is troubled, unable to commit, or has concerning personal values. Someone may view these red flags as opportunities of growth, and work very hard to get them to change.

When we see potential in people, it can be difficult for us to let this go. We have this idea of how we want our partners to be, but this can only lead to heartbreak and disappointment.

Recognizing and Addressing Red Flags

We established how appealing these red flags can be, but now that we are able to recognize them, how do we deal with them?

• Trust Yourself: Pay attention to what your gut is telling you. If something feels off, it probably is. Take some time to question and explore what this might be.

• Seek Support: Lean on trusted friends and family and share with them your concerns. They can provide you with differing perspectives to help you see things you may have missed.

• Set Boundaries: If you find that these behaviors are upsetting to you, set boundaries with your partner. Someone who truly loves you will respect them, and if not, they may not be the person for you.

• Professional Help: Remember that in relationships, your mental well-being is important. If you feel that this is being compromised, seek help from a mental health professional. Therapists can help you identify these problematic behaviors and how you can effectively address them with your partner.

Reach out today to schedule an appointment for couples therapy.