People Pleasing: How It Could Be Affecting Your Romantic Relationships
In romantic relationships, we may find ourselves bending over backwards for our partner. We will do whatever it takes to make them happy, even at the sacrifice of our own well-being. Relationships are about balance. However, what happens when the desire to please becomes excessive? Are you doing certain things because you love your partner, or are you only doing them because you fear their rejection? These unhealthy thought processes stem from a concept known as "people pleasing," and it can significantly impact relationships.
What Is People Pleasing?
People pleasing is a behavior pattern where an individual prioritizes others' needs above their own, often at the expense of their own wellbeing. This tendency is usually driven by deep-rooted fears of rejection, abandonment, or disapproval from others, and can seriously impact romantic relationships.
Common Characteristics
Difficulty saying no, even when feeling overwhelmed or stressed
Constantly seeking approval or validation from others
Avoiding conflict and confrontation at all costs
Suppressing personal needs, opinions, and feelings
Feeling responsible for other people's happiness and emotions
Being considerate and compassionate about your partner's feelings are traits of a healthy relationship, however, it starts to take a more unhealthy turn when you neglect your own needs to accommodate others.
How People Pleasing Affects Romantic Relationships
Loss of Personal Identity
Suppressing Your True Self: Continuously sacrificing your own needs to meet your partner's needs can cause you to lose touch with yourself. You may forget your own personal desires, goals, and values.
Difficulty Making Decisions: Relying on what your partner wants makes it challenging to make independent decisions, leading to a lack of self-confidence.
Low Self-Esteem: Over time, neglecting your own needs can decrease your sense of self and personal significance within relationships.
Resentment and Frustration
Unmet Needs: Constantly trying to prioritize your partner can lead to personal needs being unfulfilled. If you feel you are not getting what you need out of a relationship, resentment can start to build.
Feeling Unappreciated: When efforts to please go unnoticed, it can lead to frustration and a sense of being taken advantage of.
Emotional Exhaustion: Meeting people's needs constantly is draining, and can impact your overall sense of happiness. You may start to feel numb and lack compassion towards yourself or others.
Relationship Dynamics
Power Imbalance: Always catering to your partner's wishes creates an unequal dynamic where one person holds almost all of the influence and control.
Lack of Mutual Respect: When boundaries are unclear, and one person is clearly the priority, respect and equality within the relationship grows smaller, eventually fading out completely.
Unhealthy Behaviors: By consistently accommodating and avoiding conflict, you will begin to ignore your partner's unhealthy behaviors while simultaneously increasing your own.
Relationship Satisfaction
Decreased Intimacy: Lack of authenticity in the relationship can weaken emotional intimacy and connection over time.
Increase in Conflicts: Suppressing feelings and unmet needs often surface eventually, leading to damaging arguments and dissatisfaction.
Relationship Breakdown: Imbalances and unresolved issues can strain the relationship, increasing the risk of separation.
Overcoming People Pleasing Tendencies
Recognizing and addressing these issues is important in order to foster healthy relationships in the future. But how?
Developing Self-Awareness
Reflect on your motivation for behaviors to understand why you prioritize others over yourself.
Identify situations where you suppress personal needs and think about why.
Setting Boundaries
Communicate your needs openly with your partner.
Practice saying no when necessary, understanding that it's an act of self-respect.
Building Self-Esteem
Engage in activities that increase feelings of self-worth and personal identity outside of the relationship.
Celebrate your own strengths and accomplishments equally to your partner's.
Seek Support
Seek guidance from close friends and family who may be aware of these behaviors.
Consider talking to a therapist or a counselor to explore the roots of your people pleasing tendencies. Professionals can help you develop healthy coping skills and overcome your anxieties. Schedule a consultation today!