Learning to Trust: Overcoming Barriers to Open Up to Your Partner

Trust is the foundation for any healthy relationship. It creates a sense of security, strengthens emotional intimacy, and allows for vulnerability. Trust comes with risks, especially if your trust has been broken by someone in the past. Many people in relationships struggle with opening up to their partner. Whether it's fear of rejection, past trauma, or insecurity, these barriers prohibit you from forming strong connections.

While overcoming these obstacles may take time, it is not impossible! You can learn to trust again.

Acknowledge Your Fears

  • First step is to discover the root of your hesitation. Are you afraid of being rejected, judged, abandoned? Was there a past experience where your trust was broken?

  • Acknowledging your fears allows you to start to understand what's holding you back. It's possible you haven't fully healed from something in your past.

  • Reflect on how these experiences may be impacting your ability to connect with your partner now.

For example, if you have experienced betrayal in a past relationship, you might unconsciously carry these fears into your current one. The reason you are hesitant to open up is that you are expecting the betrayal to happen again.

Communicate Your Feelings

  • Once these fears have been identified, you want to communicate them with your partner. Opening up and being vulnerable may feel daunting, but honest communication is how trust can be built.

  • A supportive partner will not shy away from your insecurities, but rather work with you to overcome them.

Rather than bottling up emotions, try expressing them in a calm way. You could say something like, "I have been hesitant about moving forward with you because of something from my past, but I want to work through this together." You are keeping your partner in the loop about how you are feeling and asking them to help support you.

Challenge Negative Thoughts

  • Trust issues are often fueled by persistent negative thoughts or beliefs. You may find that you are just assuming your partner is going to do something to break your trust. Having these consistent thoughts can sabotage the quality of your relationship.

  • Challenge these thoughts by questioning the reality of them. Do these thoughts have evidence supporting them? Has your partner done something to make you question this trust? Are these thoughts due to past experiences?

When negative thoughts like "They'll leave me if I show my true feelings" arise, challenge them with a different perspective: "My partner has been supportive, and there is no evidence they will abandon me for being vulnerable."

Take Small Steps

  • Trust is not going to be built overnight. It's a gradual process that involves taking small steps forward. Start by sharing minor, less risky aspects of your life before working up to more intimate topics.

  • Each time you open up and receive a positive response from your partner, you start to reinforce the idea that this person is safe. Over time, this starts to build a lasting foundation of trust.

For example, if you're hesitant to share about an experience from your past, start with something small, like a work issue.

Seek Professional Support

  • If trust issues are deeply rooted in past trauma, it may be helpful to seek professional support. Therapy, especially couples counseling, can provide a safe space to explore trust issues and work through them together.

  • A therapist can also help identify underlying patterns of behaviors, challenge harmful beliefs, and guide you towards building emotional intimacy. Therapy can also provide your partner with tools to better understand your needs and fears.

There's no shame in seeking support. Building trust is hard work! Professional guidance can make all the difference in overcoming these barriers and learning to open up to your partner. Ready to trust again? Schedule a session for couples therapy today!

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