Overcoming Infidelity — How to Work Through It

Affair Recovery

Nov 1

photo of a woman sitting on a couch reading a book

Infidelity is a difficult, uncomfortable, ugly topic. Unfortunately, it’s something thing that happens in many relationships. For some, getting past infidelity can seem nearly impossible. For others, it can feel like a necessity.

The first, and arguably the biggest, step to getting over infidelity is to decide whether or not you want to work on repairing your relationship. If you choose to do so, you need to be fully motivated to get through the pain and the effort that it will take.

It’s important to note that this will not be easy, but if you believe in yourself in your relationship, it will be worth it. Here are some steps to help work through infidelity.

Severing Ties

After you decide to repair the relationship, the next biggest step is confirming that the affair will end, and then that it has ended. The partner who is cheating must end the affair and cease contact immediately. For the person that was betrayed, they will have difficulty moving on, and the longer it takes to end contact, the harder it will be.

Accountability

There needs to be accountability. It’s important for the partner who cheated to show genuine remorse and accountability, and to not blame their partner for the affair. It’s also incredibly important to be honest regarding the affair, even though it will be painful.

Regain and Rebuild Trust

For many, this will not be easy. It will quite possibly be the hardest part. You will need to have strong motivation on the part of both partners. You will both need to be fully committed to be open with each other and discuss any issues in the relationship. You’ll also need to find ways to improve your communication and how to work together.

Find Your Motivation

What is your motivation for staying and working on the relationship? It could be that you’ve invested time in the relationship and you have memories of how things used to be. There are also financial considerations, and for some, there could be children involved. It’s also important to make sure that you’re not staying in a relationship just to make others happy. You need to be sure that this is exactly what you want and that you’ll be able to find happiness and peace in your decision.

Identify the Relationship Issues

We mentioned this earlier, but it’s going to be important to understand each other and reflect on what has happened, how it happened, and what you’re both going to do to ensure that it doesn’t happen again, by either party.

Work Through Negative Thoughts, Memories, and Emotions

Once you’ve learned that your partner has cheated, it can invoke strong and upsetting emotions such as anger, hurt, grief, and sadness. It’s important for both parties to be able to openly and honestly express how they’re feeling, and for both parties to be kind and patient with not only themselves, but their partners. This process is not something that will happen overnight and it’s important to realize that these emotions will pass with time.