Rebuilding Your Relationship: How to Get Past Infidelity Triggers
Infidelity is an incredibly painful experience that can shatter the trust of even the strongest of relationships. Individuals can suffer from prolonged issues of anger, insecurity, uncertainty, and sadness. Despite the devastation, however, it is possible to rebuild the relationship and move past the infidelity as a whole.
One way to do this is by working through the triggers and healing both internally and with each other. Let's discuss some strategies to help get past these infidelity triggers.
Open Communication
Honest and open communication is an important first step in rebuilding the foundations of the relationship. Both people must be willing to have the difficult conversations, such as understanding how and why the infidelity happened, how it made them feel, and identifying ways to move forward. These conversations may be structured like this:
Set up a safe and comfortable space to begin the conversation.
Prepare main points you want to discuss beforehand.
Take turns speaking. Do not interrupt one another and practice active listening.
Validate all emotions felt, even if you don't agree.
Try to refrain from judgment of your partner.
Take breaks as needed. This conversation may be difficult and cause a lot of uncomfortable emotions.
Practice Self-Care
After the infidelity occurs, it may feel like you need to cater to your partners' needs. Take some time for yourself. Fully process all thoughts and emotions surrounding the situation and give yourself time to work through the betrayal, pain, and despair. Engage in activities that give you a sense of relief, even just for a moment. Try to maintain a healthy lifestyle, such as eating 3 meals, exercising or doing some type of physical activity, and sleeping at least 8 hours a night. Taking care of yourself will help work through the difficulties of rebuilding this relationship.
Address Triggers Together
Infidelity triggers can range from a specific place, a certain song, a time of day, or even a conversation topic. Inform your partner of what these triggers are and create a plan on how to address them when they happen. You could try avoiding the trigger altogether, developing coping skills to work through the trigger, or reframing the trigger and looking at it through a more positive lens. By facing triggers together, you can better support one another and begin the healing process.
Set Boundaries
Establishing clear and precise boundaries is crucial in order to move forward together. Both partners must agree on these boundaries so that you can feel safe and start to respect one another again. They provide a sense of stability as you work towards rebuilding the relationship. These boundaries may include:
No communication with the affair partner
Transparency about whereabouts and activities
Access to all social media, email, and messages
Guidelines or restrictions for intimacy
Setting limits to certain conversation topics
Practice Forgiveness
While it may be challenging, in order to fully move on and rebuild the trust that was broken, forgiveness will need to happen. That doesn't mean that you're forgetting the infidelity or excusing your partner, but rather letting go of your anger and resentment. Forgiveness takes time and effort and it's okay if you do not forgive right away. Give yourself time to grieve and work through emotional distress, but with patience and understanding, forgiveness can pave the way for healing.
Couples Counseling
The best thing you can do to heal from infidelity triggers would be to seek help from a mental health professional. Couples counseling can help you navigate your way through the difficult emotions and work through any challenges that arise. Therapists will teach you effective communication, tools, and coping skills to identify and move forward from triggers and rebuild trust. If you and your partner are struggling with this, reach out and schedule a session today for affair recovery.