4 Ways to Fix a Lack of Communication in Your Relationship
Effective communication is one of the most important skills in a healthy relationship. It forms connection, builds trust, and helps couples problem-solve. Communication does not always have to be positive. Sometimes arguments happen; this is a normal part of relationships. But the key to a lasting relationship is your ability to navigate through conflict and become closer afterward.
Before we can discuss ways to improve communication, we must first learn to identify issues with communication.
Recognizing Poor Communication
Passive aggressive behaviors: this is an indirect way to release anger towards your partner. Making subtle comments, jokes, or digs is a way to express frustration without having to talk about the actual issue. While it feels good in the moment, this can often cause more issues within the relationship.
Avoidance: simply avoiding problems by not talking about them, or "brushing it under the rug" will eventually grow into something larger. You may find yourself exploding on your partner over a seemingly small issue.
Consistent arguments: using argumentative language, such as blaming, controlling or criticizing, or finding yourself frequently feeling irritable is another sign that there is something wrong.
4 Tips for Better Communication
1. Process Personal Thoughts and Feelings
Before talking with your partner about what is bothering you, it is important to self-reflect on the specific emotions you're feeling and why you're feeling them. This may take some time; it's okay to take time to yourself before you start communicating. Make a list or write down thoughts beforehand so you know how to structure the conversation.
Relax and calm yourself down. Do not begin a discussion in a moment of intense emotion. Instead, work through the feeling and come back to the conversation when you have a clear head. Prepare your partner and set a time that you want to sit down and talk. The conversation will likely flow better if both people are aware that it's happening.
2. Active Listening
The skill of active listening is important to utilize when having conversations. First, it's important to take turns while speaking. Do not interrupt or cut in while your partner is sharing. Instead, show them you're listening by maintaining eye contact, making appropriate facial expressions, and having open body language. Try to understand their point of view, and in turn they should do the same for you.
3. Avoid Blaming
While your partner may have said or done something that upset you, it's important to not accuse them of causing your distress. Instead, try to use "I" statements when talking about emotions. For example, "I feel frustrated when you're not honest with me." This ensures that you are still vocalizing what you're feeling, but not blaming the other person for it. You cannot assume that your partner intentionally did something to hurt you. Using "I" statements can help your partner understand how you perceive a situation.
4. Come to a Resolution
Leaving a conversation unresolved can cause unpleasant feelings to linger. Make sure to come to a clear end, whether that's creating a compromise you can both agree on or finding a solution together for the issue. If the discussion is becoming overwhelming, take breaks to collect yourself. But always make sure to re-open the conversation. Don't just leave it unresolved. One way or another it will come back around. Once a resolution is found, do a fun or relaxing activity together to strengthen that connection.
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If you find you and your partner need support with effective communication, it can be helpful to schedule an appointment with a mental health professional. Therapists can model and educate on different ways to communicate in a safe environment. Reach out to schedule your first session today for couples therapy.
